When you’re in love, the last thing you want to think about is splitting up. But in New Zealand, the law has its own timeline for relationships. After three years together, the rules for dividing property change in a big way. And if you don’t prepare for it, you could be sharing more than you expect.

Shenali Lewke-Bandara of Denham Bramwell Lawyers works with families and couples across Auckland on relationship property, trusts, and estate planning. She explains that the three-year mark is a defining moment in how the law views relationships.

The three-year rule explained

Under the Property (Relationships) Act, once you’ve been in a de facto relationship, marriage, or civil union for three years, there’s a presumption that relationship property should be shared equally. That means it doesn’t matter who earned more, who put down the bigger deposit, or whose name is on the title. Unless you’ve made other arrangements, half could be up for grabs. This doesn’t mean everything you own is automatically split. But the law leans heavily towards equal sharing after the three-year mark.

When does the clock start?

You might think it’s obvious when a relationship begins, but legally it’s more complicated. Did it start when you went on your first date? When you moved in together? When you opened a joint bank account? Courts look at several factors to decide, including whether you live together, how you share finances, and how friends and family see your relationship.

This uncertainty can become a major issue if the relationship ends years later. In fact, Shenali points out that disputes over start dates have gone as far as the Supreme Court, with lawyers trawling through old photos and emails to prove when a relationship began.

Why contracting out agreements help

A Contracting Out Agreement (sometimes called a “pre-nup”) lets you and your partner agree upfront on what’s shared and what’s kept separate. Having this conversation early can save enormous stress later.

As Shenali explains, “there’s not really an incentive to sign anything beyond the three-year mark, because you’ve already acquired those entitlements.”

Think of it as a roadmap. Instead of leaving things to chance, the agreement sets out who owns what, how debts are treated, and what would happen if the relationship ends through separation or death.

Making the conversation easier

Talking about money and property can feel awkward, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But Shenali says clarity is actually a kindness. By agreeing on expectations, you protect both partners and reduce the risk of conflict in the future.

It doesn’t have to be one-sided. You might agree that contributions at home, like time taken off work to care for children, are recognised alongside financial input. A well-drafted agreement reflects both partners’ circumstances and values.

Why early advice is key

If you’re living with a partner, sharing finances, or thinking about buying a home together, the clock has already started ticking. Now is the time to get legal advice. A lawyer can walk you through the options, draft an agreement that reflects your situation, and help you avoid costly disputes down the track.

Disclaimer: This article is based on a podcast featuring insights from experienced professionals and is intended for general information and inspiration only. While we aim to share valuable guidance, please seek personalised advice from qualified professionals before making decisions about your property, finances, or renovation plans.